I was talking to my sister last night, telling her about a conversation that I had with my almost-15 year old son. He has been wanting a video game that is fairly graphic in nature...all his friends have it, he's been feeling left out in the discussions at school because he doesn't have it and can't play it & partake in said discussions. He accused me of being overprotective, of actually making it harder for him to break into the real world because I've shielded him from things (or at least tried to), of treating him as if he were five, he wondered what it would be like to live elsewhere...His words were not disrespectful or full of anger; just of teenage angst. I was surprised at how calm I was (trying so hard to act on James 1:19 " Understand, my beloved brethren. Let every man be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to take offense and to get angry. "). I prayed that night for God to enable me to handle what appeared to be the start of a new relationship or phase in the life that my son and I share. Always before when people would ask me about the age of my kids and I'd tell them that I have a teenager and a 10 year old and I'd would tell them that "I still like my teenager", I would get strange, almost judgmental looks as if to say "well of course you would/should. He is your son." But I know that there will come a time where I won't like him and he won't like me, and that's okay.
My son didn't threaten to run away or anything, nor do I think that he would--we've got a good relationship--he is a good kid. And things were okay the next morning...I do have to admit, though, that I was kind of "down" that day at work. It's not like he's going to college tomorrow; it's just that he's growing up. He's now taller than me, which he he delights in. He set me up on IM yesterday and we had fun IM'ing each other (mind you, we were less than 75 feet away in separate rooms). So...we're all good...it's just that...he's growing up. And that's okay. It's all working as God intended...
His younger brother is a good kid, too. He's smarter than me in academia; I just feel bad because he inherited my "lack of common sense" gene. Smart kid, brilliant kid, "may not also know when to come in out of the rain" kid. He's got a dichotomy that is striking--he sets up elaborate battles in his room with this green army men and Star Wars Legos, likes to watch shows on weaponry and blowing up stuff (Mythbusters is one of our favorites) but still calls me Mama and lets me tuck him in bed with a back scratch. He likes to say his evening prayers while listening to me say mine. He's 10 years old but he's 5'1" tall--one of the moms on the sidelines of his soccer game pointed out that he's head and shoulders above all of his teammates when they were all huddling together, listening to their coach. His response when I asked him what he thought about the 4th grade maturation video: "it was funny, yucky, and gross." So, he's this BIG kid in the physical aspect, but still watches cartoons in the mornings when some of his friends watch sports on t.v and loves on our cats. (His older brother does that, too. In spades. We are very much a cat family.) I love it. I know that there will come a time where we'll have discussions that start with "Quit treating me like a baby", and I'll just pray again for the wisdom and strength to realize that the words are not directed at my parenting skills or at me; that they are just a normal part of life.
It warms my heart and at the same time blows me away to realize that the depth of love that I have for my kids doesn't even match the love that my Father has for me. Not that I could attribute words or thoughts to Him, but I sometimes think that He has thought "Laura, the things you do at times disappoint me, but I know that they are just a normal part of who you are." And He stands with open arms, loving me despite my humanness, despite my sin, waiting for me to forgive and love myself. Ain't it grand? Someone who loves me more than the whole world combined, and then some. And that's more than okay; it's amazing and awesome!
I pray that the Lord is with you today, and that you have His blessings and peace.
Laura
Sunday, May 4, 2008
New points in life
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This is what I did in regard to the music and games I did not approve of. When my boys had a job (not allowance) they were able to purchase whatever they wanted to purchase. However, if I did not approve of the item I would confiscate it if I saw it in the house. It became mine. This rule came along with the explanation of why I disapproved of the item and that it was my house and I had a right to keep inappropriate items out. I know they purchased forbiddened items because I developed a huge collection of forbidden fruit. After awhile they either didn't waste their money anymore or they found better hiding places. This worked because they knew what I disapproved of and why, they were able to make their own decision, and they showed their respect by not flaunting the forbidden fruit in my face. Since I was home most of the time they didn't have much time to enjoy their purchases either! The teenage years were my favorite years and I still have a close relationship with my boys. Just work on keeping the lines of communication open!
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